As National Grief Awareness Day approaches on Aug. 30, trauma expert Judith A. Swack, Ph.D., is shedding light on a pervasive but often misunderstood aspect of grief: why some people remain stuck in it for years. Dr. Swack, author of the recently honored book "Clear Trauma Now: The Powerful Solution for Getting Unstuck," explains that unresolved trauma can keep individuals locked in a cycle of pain, preventing them from accessing joyful memories of the person they lost. Instead, every reminder of their loved one can automatically trigger the pain of the moment they died or left.
According to Dr. Swack, this happens because during a traumatic loss, the body's fight-flight-freeze response gets conditioned to remember and react to anything that occurred at that time. The nervous system becomes wired to relive the shock, making the loss feel as if it is happening in the present. Healing, she says, begins by calming this trauma response so the body no longer reacts as though the loss is current.
Dr. Swack offers five first steps toward healing, which she hopes will provide a roadmap for those struggling. First, she advises separating the trauma from the person you loved. Many grieving people believe that letting go of the trauma means losing their connection to the deceased, but Dr. Swack contends the opposite is true. Trauma can fuse with the memory of a loved one, turning every remembrance into pain instead of love. Healing the trauma allows positive memories and gratitude to return without ending the relationship.
Second, she encourages identifying the "hidden layers" beneath grief. Grief is rarely just sadness; it often includes shock, fear, anger, hurt, guilt, shame, and feelings of helplessness, according to her research. Third, she suggests listening for limiting beliefs that loss may have created. Traumatic loss often leaves unconscious conclusions such as "It's my fault," "People always leave me," or "I can't trust anyone." These beliefs can impact relationships, work, and self-confidence long after the loss, but recognizing them is a crucial step.
Fourth, Dr. Swack advises paying attention to the feeling of emptiness. A deep sense of emptiness or a "hole" in the chest or stomach is a hallmark of unresolved loss trauma. People often try to fill this void through work, food, relationships, or other compulsive behaviors. Acknowledging that the emptiness is part of the trauma response can help individuals seek healthier ways to heal. Finally, she emphasizes that healing trauma is not about forgetting someone or "moving on." One of the biggest barriers to recovery is the fear that healing means leaving a loved one behind, yet resolving the trauma does not erase the relationship. Instead, it allows people to stop reliving the worst moment of their lives and begin remembering the love, joy, and meaning that came before the loss.
"Healing trauma at all levels allows people to easily recall special memories of loving connection and appreciate the ways in which their lives were enriched by having known that person," Dr. Swack says.
Her book, "Clear Trauma Now: The Powerful Solution for Getting Unstuck," was recently named the 2026 Silver Medal Winner for Grief Books by the Coalition of Visionary Resources (COVR). The book details practices she pioneered as part of her Healing from the Body Level Up™ (HBLU™) methodology, a comprehensive system designed to clear trauma at the conscious, unconscious, body, and soul levels. Dr. Swack will present a "Clear Trauma Now Live Healing" webinar on Thursday evenings in September, offering real-time trauma healing experiences. Details are available at hblu.org/live-healing-experience.
For those seeking to understand their grief or help others, Dr. Swack's insights provide a factual framework for why some remain stuck and how to begin the journey toward healing, emphasizing that the goal is not to forget but to reclaim the love that remains.
